Episode 260: Empathy and Anxiety
Written By Kelli Walker
Join Kelli and Erica as they chat about various types of empathy and how to maintain a balanced nervous system in the midst of stressors, like the news and social media, that can tug on our empathy heart strings.
Transcript
00:00.00
kelliwalkercoaching
Hey guys welcome to not another anxiety show I'm your host Kelly Walker and joining me today as my co-host from coaching fromabroad dot com eka latham.
00:12.28
kelliwalkercoaching
Wow is this thing on well I said it earlier on the phone I said no prop Bob that was my rhyming on the phone earlier to you you.
00:13.22
erica
It's like I I was waiting for another sentence and I realized you weren't going to do it. Ah, ah for those that are new.
00:26.36
erica
Ah, ah, we've been a mess happy. It's still winter. Is it.
00:30.76
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, it's snowing where it's snowing today. It hasn't snow for like a month and now this week. It's deciding it's going to snow today and then like twelve inches Wednesday into Thursday so it's it's Likek. oh oh I thought we were done with well winter. Just never really came here but.
00:39.50
erica
Ah, Wow Oh hu.
00:49.76
kelliwalkercoaching
You know.
00:50.20
erica
We Yeah, we got ah we had a really we had a a couple snows and then a really really cold snap your Aunt airs Pipes froze. Um well I rent because I'm smart I'm kidding I don't know.
00:54.69
kelliwalkercoaching
Yes, we had that too. Oh no, it didn't they didn't explode. Did they. Oh yeah, so you don't have to deal with that.
01:07.63
erica
I don't but they didn't and I just decided you know what I'm taking myself to a hotel and I had a little overnight in the Hilton Garden Inn so sure
01:16.55
kelliwalkercoaching
Did your well you told me because you're so smart and all the ways. Insurance Adjustment did they did was that covered or you had to do that out of your pocket. Oh okay, some free advice from on air. Thank you.
01:26.84
erica
It would be covered but you have to hit your deductible and so yeah, thank you every time you have a winter event and you like if you are feeling uncomfortable about it which is a nice way to say like if we're freaking out. Um I will tell everybody like it. You know. Here's what your insurance likely will cover because you can take the insurance out of the girl. No wait a minute. oh no oh no I'm pulling a Kelly you can take the girl out of insurance. But yeah, yeah, sure how are you.
01:46.62
kelliwalkercoaching
Get a hotel.
01:52.16
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, you are but you can't take the insurance out of the girl. Yeah like you yeah that sounds good but I I am good I'm I mean I'm pumped for today I mean this is you were like hey guys.
02:06.60
erica
I Know that.
02:10.77
kelliwalkercoaching
Let's talk about empathy specifically like cognitive versus effective empathy and I was like weird sounds vaguely familiar I don't know that I know what that is and turns out I'm over here.
02:20.83
erica
Um, we do know that.
02:24.20
kelliwalkercoaching
Well, it turns out I'm over here moving blogs I like kind of revamped my website and I was moving old blogs from one site to the next and I was like what is this? Oh my god it's like a 1000 word article about effective empathy versus cognitive empathy. It's.
02:29.85
erica
So right.
02:38.44
erica
Ah, you should send that are you going to send it out to all of us who subscribe and.
02:43.87
kelliwalkercoaching
Well no I should it's it's on my site I should send it out in in my newsletter and it's like I just you know I wrote it before kids it's over six years old so b k before kids speak.
02:52.41
erica
Ah, so so it's well work. It's well worded and fresh and well rusted. And yeah.
03:01.78
kelliwalkercoaching
And I have no memory of anything before kids. Ah.
03:06.11
erica
Did you know that your brain changes when you have kids the gray matter in your brain actually changes.
03:08.88
kelliwalkercoaching
Well, you know I did see that I remember when my kids were newborns and something one thing I saw similar in that vein was that like your brain and hormones go through the same intensity of changes as like puberty and I was like oh Wow hoo. That's a lot to take on with it with.
03:25.17
erica
Yeah, yeah, ah once at once? Yeah, yeah, you weren't kiddding around oh my gosh. Well anyway, yeah so I I Honestly forget how it came up.
03:28.77
kelliwalkercoaching
You know wow 2 babies in tow I like that's great I love change at once? yeah.
03:42.58
erica
But I was like hey what about this and you were like what what because I never never when was the last time I was like hey I have an idea because you have so many great ideas he interviews So many great people and I'm like I'll just show up. You know I'll be the beautiful face on this podcast and.
03:47.24
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, what's that sounds? yeah.
03:56.17
kelliwalkercoaching
Ah.
04:00.36
erica
Ah, it just it's been coming up more and more and more and I have a lot to say about it apparently and then you were like oh my God I wrote this thing and I'm like we got to do it. We got to do it.
04:11.42
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah I wrote I wrote you know I don't I know I have a little bit to share. Um, you have a lot to share I will share my little bit and then I'm coming along for a ride with you like just this is me I'm letting go I'm dropping my reins I'm letting go of control. But.
04:22.89
erica
Ah, fuck up. Oh oh are you? okay, are you right? Well we got a big week. Okay.
04:29.74
kelliwalkercoaching
I'm yeah, we're just gonna Pat Pat a little bit of sweat on the brow here who gonna be okay, but here we go. Yeah.
04:34.63
erica
Well don't put away that handkerchief yet. But so we are talking about empathy generally speaking. But I don't know if people know I mean I think most of us know the difference between sympathy and empathy right.
04:42.93
kelliwalkercoaching
Right.
04:50.81
kelliwalkercoaching
Right? But that there's actually different types.
04:53.44
erica
Do We need a refresher then there's types of empathy which is like a whole thing which I learned and I love because I think it's like too much pressure to how should I react? How should I feel about a certain thing when I'm presented with somebody else who's feeling the thing. Why do I feel this way and it's just like a lot of pressure and there's. Anytime you can break it down a little bit further. It makes me feel Better. You know I On. Ah.
05:12.50
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, absolutely well you know in this in this blog that I apparently wrote I mean has my name on it um has my name. Ah you know I I actually cited this pretty cool study. It was about um the 2 different you know about 2 different types. Of empathy. You know in all honesty I think there's probably more um but this this study looked at um, about 2 different types of empathy being tied to different regions of the brain and the study examined. Um.
05:35.11
erica
So that's the thing. Yeah.
05:49.20
kelliwalkercoaching
2 types of empathy that we talked about so cognitive empathy and effective empathy and people who like here's kind of a little a little refresher but people who have high effective empathy. Are often those who like um, a good example is like they'll get quite fearful when watching a scary movie or start crying during a sad scene cough cough 100% me they feel it in their bones right? like effective empathy is like you hear.
06:12.45
erica
Yeah, yeah.
06:17.25
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, it's a sad scene or you hear something devastating in the news like and you feel it in your chest your gut your throat you feel this in your bones in your body. Those who have high cognitive empathy can perceive and understand the emotions. Of another but don't necessarily like feel the wallop in their bones. For example, like a good example is a clinical psychologist counseling a client right? There's a little bit of removal from the experience there and 1 is not worse or better right? Like they're they're just different. They're different. They you know probably are more or less effective in certain scenarios but like 1 is not better or worse. They're just different types and the study which was kentuck I think it was conducted by a monash university um. And it was published in the journal neuroimage. It used a fancy brain imaging technique called voxel based morphometry to view the density you were just talking about this Erica you led me right in. It was to view the density of gray matter in different regions of the brain and remember the thicker the gray matter the stronger the neural connections in.
07:17.52
erica
So sure, why not? yeah.
07:31.27
kelliwalkercoaching
That area of the brain. It's sort of like a muscle right? The the bigger the muscle the stronger it is same with grey matter the more gray matter the more dense the stronger this this area neural connections are and a study of one hundred and seventy six participants found that cognitive empathy was so it was associated with the midsingulate cortex and that. Empathy is associated with the insular cortex. So these results that link individual areas of the brain with different types of empathy is exciting because it validates one that empathy is a multicomponent construct meaning we see different neural and structural correlations with different types of empathy. And suggests that different types of empathy can be learned or pruned with practice or lack thereof which makes sense kind of based on our conversations right? and understanding of Neuroplasticity. So. It's kind of cool different different types of empathy can actually be seen in different areas of the brain.
08:27.00
erica
I Mean it's always cool when you can actually measure something you know and I think that's what is hard for a lot of us is that we we can't quite see it so it doesn't make sense. You know so where I wanted to focus is on.
08:32.29
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah, absolutely yeah.
08:39.30
kelliwalkercoaching
Right? absolutely.
08:45.74
erica
Because I know science minded person. So I'm going to sort of bring it back to my level which is you know sympathy is the number 1 driver of disconnection according to like social scientists.
09:01.73
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, and Berne Brown she has a great little little great video about it. Yeah, it is yeah I love it.
09:04.34
erica
So sympathy is and but she has a gorgeous video about that. Yeah, and it's like a little animated thing but it can. It's the sort of um she calls it the at leasting which we did ah 1 of my favorite episodes the platitude episode um, you know at least.
09:18.64
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yep, that's a great question.
09:23.25
erica
You know? Um, what was the example she used Kelly she um, well ah you know I'm got I'm going through a I'm going through a divorce well at least you were you are married or yeah, right and that is.
09:30.52
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, can I phone a friend for the answer. But yeah, exactly like at least like trying to Dis Dishonor You know it's like when it like dishonors or invalidates. It's dehumanizing to people when when we.
09:42.53
erica
Yeah, it can be yeah.
09:46.13
kelliwalkercoaching
At least right? because we're because some people are uncomfortable with Dr Susan David you know who authored emotional agility has so many posts about this? Um, but yeah, exactly how sympathy it drives disconnect. It makes us feel. Separate it makes us feel invalidated and it can be dehumanizing even.
10:03.38
erica
And it can't I don't think it's a bad thing if you you know had to go to I'm so irish ever thingss a week if you had to go to a week you know you know hear my my sympathies you know I'm so sorry if you're a loss and sort of you know, giving those sympathies I think we use that sort of like lowercase sympathy in a good way.
10:20.71
kelliwalkercoaching
And there's a lot of overlap like here even they'll say oh cognitive and sympathetic empathy and it's like there's I think there's not even complete agreement amongst different like paradigms right? like it's like a but exactly a big Venn diagram but like some people equate pity.
10:22.90
erica
But the difference between that and.
10:31.58
erica
Oh no, it's a huge Venn diagram. No yeah, yeah, and that's what's important. Yeah yep, yeah, and well like it can you know can with empathy.
10:40.44
kelliwalkercoaching
With Sympathy right? Like yeah, can exactly.
10:49.86
erica
That's what's in theory going to drive us together. So yeah, there are different types of empathy your empathy I'm sorry and we can kind of go down those rabbit holes and then you know the actions we can take which is important you know, but the the main sort of heading the overarching theme is that it's the thing that. Can bring us together. It's it's using critical thinking. It's the ah it's the driving into why somebody is reacting acting the way they are right? So if you are a manager or a boss and somebody's looking for a new job.
11:10.27
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
11:26.17
erica
It's the ability to not take it so personally but to get in and say why would this person need to you know make this change for them like why would that make sense. It's also when we see something on the news. Oh I can't believe that thing happen to those people and it can help us drive action. So it can help us.
11:33.27
kelliwalkercoaching
Right.
11:42.22
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
11:45.92
erica
Um, hey I want to donate to this cause or hey and that might want to volunteer down. Um you know wherever to do whatever you know, but but no, you go and.
11:53.59
kelliwalkercoaching
It's so funny. That's the bit I was gonna share I'll like you go ahead, you finish. But I'll well I was gonna say like someone you know like I think some of us like again. Effective cognitive empathy which whichever you know tends to be strongest for us like me I'm very much effective. Empathy not worse or better. But I know sometimes it can feel like too much. You know like if I am watching the news or like when the war on Ukraine started. Um. And seeing some of these images and stuff like sometimes being somebody that you know again has stronger neural connections for effective empathy this it. It can feel too deep or too overwhelming or it can send me down like maybe like a ruminating or like a rabbit hole. So like. For me sort of getting grounded or leaning into what basically you just said like leaning into where I can take action. So like um, you know if it's someone you know in my circle or my community and they're having a hard time. It's like I will take action to make a meal to take on a task like snowblowing or. Um, or you know just spend some time with them or pick something up or if it's something happening you know on the other side of the world like I remember the war on Ukraine early on it really helped to like rent an airbnb and they were really cheap and it helped people find like refuge and so that was something I was able to do or.
13:22.28
kelliwalkercoaching
If All I can do is send like lovingkindness I know it sounds hippy- dippy but sending good wishes like for me is a practical use of mental Bandwidth and gives me that sense of like agency or um like I'm doing something which you know feels good when we're feeling overwhelmed or sad or scared for somebody. It feels good to feel like we're doing something and um for me empathy is definitely a superpower but it takes some honing so you know I don't blow myself up with it because it it can be intense at times. So Yeah for me, it's leaning into like you said like where I can take action where I can support where I can help.
13:59.34
erica
Yeah, it can. Yeah and I think that's where the Venn diagram comes in so another word for effective, empathy some people call it sympathetic or emotional empathy and we're looking for that sweet spot between. You know the cognitive side which is a lot more.
14:00.86
kelliwalkercoaching
Even if it's just sending loving kindness. Yeah.
14:12.63
kelliwalkercoaching
Yep.
14:19.10
erica
Well thinking obviously cognitive and where we can distinguish our emotions from somebody else's so the the problem if we lean too far into sympathetic um, empathy or ah ah, effective empathy is that it's like we're absorbing somebody else's emotion as our own and where I hear well it feels like ours. So.
14:19.48
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
14:23.95
kelliwalkercoaching
Right.
14:32.50
kelliwalkercoaching
It feels like ours right? like it feels like it's happening to us like it can feel to so intense.
14:38.68
erica
Yeah, and that's where so you know so many folks we have a word for this now and people will describe themselves as as empaths sometimes or um, yeah, sponge or right and that.
14:47.58
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah, sponge like an emotional sponge. Yeah.
14:53.28
erica
Not that there's a problem with any of these things but where we might want to do what you're trying to do which is sort of hone back towards the middle of that Venn diagram is when we watch the news and we see something that's rubbing against the thing we value. Um, it can cause problems that can make us think like well am I capable of doing that.
15:09.18
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
15:11.00
erica
And am I capable of of losing everything am I capable of doing something destructive to to other people. Um is it going to happen to me and right we can get lost into these things. So it's almost like we're relating too much and leaning too hard into that. The other part of that which I hear sometimes is.
15:14.72
kelliwalkercoaching
Or is that going to happen to me right? am I safe.
15:24.88
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
15:30.44
erica
Oh you know you you lost your job and 1 time I had a rough day at work. So I know exactly what this is like and almost putting our like almost force in experiencerience on somebody else and none of these things individually are nothing's good or bad right? when it comes to emotions. Nothing is good or bad but it's where we can sort of you know.
15:37.63
kelliwalkercoaching
Right.
15:44.81
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
15:50.90
erica
Ah, recalibrate and say like okay am I being too affected by something where it's taking me away from what I know to be true about myself and where can I get back to the of that too. Yeah.
15:55.93
kelliwalkercoaching
Right? Or am I putting myself in someone else's experience when it's their experience even if the same thing has happened exactly like you said? yeah.
16:06.62
erica
When we absorb too much I hear that a lot I've been like really into Ocd stuff recently like research and and trying to understand this world. Um, we can it. It can sort of rub up against what my new favorite terms. You ready the ego distonic and Ego Syn Tonic Bum Bumper they're my favorite.
16:24.52
kelliwalkercoaching
The.
16:25.22
erica
And what all that means is when something's ego. Ah oh my God did that get you with a science word or what so this is you do though? you do so ego is like here's ego is like yourself stuff right? This is like so scienceency. It's like almost too much.
16:30.19
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah I don't I don't know what these are I don't know what these are I'm learning teach me teach me quiz me teach me and then quiz me.
16:43.61
kelliwalkercoaching
Rip.
16:44.29
erica
Um, and so Ego Syntonnic would be something you value. So I value my family I value my um relationship with them I value you know anything that is aligns without you value is ego s sin tonic so when your thoughts and and actions did just click append to rate something dad. Ah.
17:03.48
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, you heard me ghost. You can hear a ladyrug a lady book breathing I know I know it's amazing. You go cintonnic.
17:04.23
erica
You know I can hear you know I can hear a pin drop across the universe I can and I tell it to shut up. Yeah I know it's it comes with my to your super but Ego Syn Tonic is aligns with more or less I mean please don't Google. Google it but you know I'm like I'm I'm I'm encapsulating it into the context in which we are talking so ego syntonic is when your thoughts actions blah blah blah align with the things you value and ego diss tonic is when you.
17:27.25
kelliwalkercoaching
Okay.
17:33.57
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yep, oh yeah, okay I'm sorry I thought of Justtonia like in nursing go ahead that makes sense right? Go ahead just toia. Go ahead.
17:40.33
erica
Okay, so it's when your thoughts. Oh well's now I don't know what dstonia is anyway. Dystonnic is I value this over here. But my thoughts are not aligning with that and we can see that with some types of intrusive thoughts and with Ocd right? so.
17:53.99
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, um, right.
17:57.67
erica
Um I don't want to give specific examples without like a huge sugar warning but let's say um, let's leave youltsu use a lighter example like I okay, let's let's use 1 that we've used before I'm taking I'm going on a hike and I lean over a cliff.
18:09.20
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
18:13.62
erica
And suddenly I have an intrusive thought that I just want to hurl myself off the side of that cliff that's ego disstonic because you it's ego distonic because you write you value your life. You value not being injured. You value not being sort of like a burden on resources. But for some reason that thought and because of this disstonic nature. It's very disconcerting.
18:15.10
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, right, The common Phenomenon right? It's not in a line.
18:33.14
kelliwalkercoaching
Distressing. Yeah.
18:33.36
erica
Right? So the my point of this. Let's get back to the like empathy ven Diagram Sometimes when we lean so heavily into sympathetic emotional effective empathy on the other side of the spectrum if you will It can.
18:45.20
kelliwalkercoaching
Right.
18:50.62
erica
Sort of pull us or make us feel like we're being pulled into Well why do they think that Why do I feel that are those minor or those theirs. You know we don't really know it can feel like we don't know where we and didn't begin what we're really, we just sort of write or where these thoughts.
19:02.68
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, where they right? where their experience ends and ours begins. It's like and I can ah or write. Yeah.
19:09.20
erica
That are just thoughts and and what we actually value and what we can do is just sort of you know we we employ a lot of mindfulness a lot of breathing a lot of you know, getting the back sort of grounded and centered and all the tools that we have in our toolbox and realize that.
19:21.32
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
19:24.82
erica
Maybe we are like naturally predisposed to sort of lean into that side of the I love the Venn diagram obviously um, you know it's different than sympathy. But ah, it's like the 1 thing mathy thing I like kind of remember it's different than cognitive empathy where it's like hey I I can realize that this.
19:30.98
kelliwalkercoaching
Who doesn't love a Venn diagram from high school high school.
19:44.42
erica
I can see how that would affect me I've been in situations that are sticky. Not quite like this but you know hard enough and I want to take action to help with that and versus I need to absorb this because if I don't feel it then it doesn't It's not valid.
19:45.78
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, great.
20:00.86
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
20:01.18
erica
And so and learning how to sort of like lean back into that center of it's okay to see that somebody is going through something hard to empathize with that and to really like feel even like a somatic experience like I feel sick to my stomach when I hear certain things and and.
20:15.50
kelliwalkercoaching
Right? Yeah, absolutely.
20:20.80
erica
To leave it there and to see it to see for what it is to feel it in your body and say that is so incredibly hard I could whatever I can do to take action I totally want to do and if I can't That's okay too. But I'm here. Yeah right, right? and to not absorb that.
20:30.19
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, but I'm here I'm here right now with my feet on the ground. Yeah, it's so important I know and to not of yeah is like as someone that like um, you know we've we've talked about I've had a therapist on that you know is um. Well tuned with you know the highly sensitive person trait which we've talked about and like I think Dr Russell Kennedy talked about it where 20 to 30% of us have this highly sensitive person trait. It's like a temperament It's not good or bad. It just means that our nervous systems like pick up on more input. It's a little more sensitive to input which like anything has lights and dark side right? like it means that we can see when someone's mood shifts right? We can pick up on changes in the environment like we're going to be literally more emotionally intelligent because we can see what's happening and then on the dark side. It can feel a little bit like. Again, it can be really easy to sort of absorb other people's experiences if we're if we're not aware and we don't kind of ground ourselves and take care of ourselves too because it's sort of this challenging side of of having a sensitive nervous system is. We feel those things more somatically they might punch us in the gut more than another person if we see something on the news and it's it's okay, like for me I know sometimes like if there's a lot going on in the news. Sometimes it's okay to just turn the news off like if you're one of those people where you're you're absorbing that where that feels really intense.
22:01.79
kelliwalkercoaching
To get grounded to like get your bearings. It's okay to take a break or from social media or for the news or whatever. It's okay to disconnect like disconnecting is not all good or all bad. We don't always want to disconnect as like a way of coping. Um you know because all. The wonderful things of being human are being you know, connected with ourselves in our present moment but we can't be connected all the time. That's that's an unrealistic um expectation. So. It's okay I know for me sometimes I remind myself I can just disconnect I can be here now like you said I can. Feel this I can do what I can if there's something for me to do or again really send well wishes like sometimes I put my hand over my heart and my stomach and I take a breath and I'm like um, you know from Sharon Salzberg who we had on the show like she has a really great loving kindness like it's like three or four months she was like may you be safe. May you be happy may you be healthy may you live with ease or may you find comfort or support in this really hard time or whatever it might be um, but yeah for for me as a highly sensitive person I have to remind myself listen I don't have to be connected. We're not meant to be connected to. Globally all the time and it's okay, if sometimes disconnecting and stepping back is what you need to again find those bearings and you know feel your feet on the ground and remember where where you start right? and their experience starts. Yeah.
23:29.12
erica
Yeah, to not press on the bruise. You know if we if something is pressing against something that we value or have intrusive thoughts about or are struggling with or we just feel too deeply that we don't need to expose ourselves to that just to see if we feel.
23:34.47
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah.
23:45.42
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:46.82
erica
Or to prove that we're like air quotes very much air quotes weak. Um, and I I hear that a lot with my clients you know, um where you know I I I know this bothers me and I know I I should have turned off the news but I really just needed to see it and it's like well why you know.
24:03.43
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah, yeah, where do you notice it for you How Well what? what.
24:05.61
erica
And proving something to herself. Ah ah Nick um, I've worked a lot on this. You know I've worked a lot on this but I would say in the past. Um, well again I don't want to like get into like. Deep specifics but the news is huge. The news is a huge thing like you were just saying like we are exposed to so much so much across the globe and I don't know if we're meant to see it all and doing that whole like I can solve this mystery.
24:32.70
kelliwalkercoaching
Ah, yeah.
24:44.27
erica
If I watch the news if I watch we actually we've talked about this on the show. Um the Boston Marathon bombing during that period of time I stayed up for like 72 hours or some silly amount because I wanted I needed to see every single. Possible. It was like I was going to solve the case from my house in New York you know and the case and I think we you know since then that was kind of a wake up call and I've done work since then and but I I notice that.
25:05.34
kelliwalkercoaching
Yeah, yeah, on the case P P Air you're on the case.
25:20.93
erica
When something seems improbably big when it's so big that it seems like the only thing I can do is just stare at it. That's that's my sort of cue to lean back and go oh maybe there's action I can take.
25:24.16
kelliwalkercoaching
Are.
25:31.66
kelliwalkercoaching
Q yeah.
25:37.82
erica
Or maybe I can lean closer into either the people that are affected or to my own network and sort of drive that connection that way you know instead of isolating and finding myself in positions where you know were were.
25:42.13
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah, absolutely.
25:54.95
erica
Pressing on that bruise to see if something feels you know if it still hurts is it still hurts and if and if I don't have a feeling about it that that means I'm cured in some way you know? Um, yeah, so anyway I just find this all super fascinating.
25:58.70
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, this other. Yeah.
26:11.33
kelliwalkercoaching
Ego syntonic an ego Diss Tonic I remember it.
26:12.40
erica
An ego disstonic. So. Those are just it's it's that really has I mean it kind of it's not the first 2 phrases that roll off the tong when you're talking about types of empathy but it's it's just a way to remind yourself that you're you're okay. You know you you can feel a lot. You cannot feel a lot It's it's all fine. There's a reason why some things affect us more than others. There's something you can do about that. You're not totally. You know off 1 ledge or another.
26:43.14
kelliwalkercoaching
Um, yeah.
26:46.12
kelliwalkercoaching
At The mercy. Yeah, and yeah, it's and I think it helps to remember like I tend to be a deep feeler and sometimes again I can see that as a superpower and sometimes I can be really frustrated by it. But that's I mean part of being human is. You know is the feeling we like to think of ourselves as like a cognitive species and and we we we do have some powerful powerful cognitive processing right? like the the best on Earth but we are still very largely feeling. It's a big part of.
27:08.00
erica
Yeah.
27:22.41
kelliwalkercoaching
How our bodies operate on a day-to-day basis. It's a big part of like you know feedback loop for sensing our environment and where we are in space and time and we're very much feeling creatures too. So you know and and we all have things that hit a nerve more than others just depending who we are what we value. Our.
27:32.35
erica
Yeah, yeah.
27:41.63
kelliwalkercoaching
Experiences our beliefs our story all that stuff and so you know it It doesn't mean there's anything wrong or or weird about us if some things hang us up a little bit more.. It's just an opportunity to sort of like wake up to it and and bring some awareness and obviously like. Take care of ourselves. Yeah,, that's all I have to say did you get to shoot do I try to put that out there.
28:03.79
erica
Amen couldn't agree more.
28:11.64
erica
Ah, ah, all right Miss I have nothing to say about this but ah, ah, that's it. That's all I got Yeah I.
28:20.16
kelliwalkercoaching
Ego Centtonic All right ego Centtonic Ego disstonic. It's gonna be. It's gonna be a test all right.
28:27.75
erica
It is.
28:29.97
kelliwalkercoaching
That is our episode. Thanks so much for tuning in today if you're enjoying the show please subscribe and take a minute to write a review on Itunes so we can reach and support more people if you're looking for one-on-one coaching or have a question you like answered on the show. Please visit notanotheranxietyshow.com and until next time remember be kind to yourself.
